Time passing by

I thought it was fomo, it’s really just pain. Are they out there living while it feels like I am staying the same? One step forward, 3 steps frozen. Why do I still feel so broken? 9.5 years since my last attempt, just last night I wept. I don’t dream of dying, I know that I can’t. More to life, yet I am stuck in a stint. I’m afraid to move, in one direction or another. When times are hard I turn to my mother. “You are so loved” she says. By him or by me? By you or by Thee?

31 is upon me and I feel so alone. I thought after my 20’s the road would be gold. It feels harder now, this timeline I have bestowed.

The good news is, I am absolutely not out of road.