Capital T for Trauma

Image by: Kat Hendrickson, @katpturedit

I am afraid of everything I love being taken away from me. The grasp comes in. It’s slow and moves like rain. Like wind, the clouds rolling in. I can see them from far away and know what is coming - I can feel it all and can’t seem to run. Freeze. In the dark - alone and coming undone. Standing still, clenching, holding my breath, I am ready for the fight. “The war is over” the voice whispers, yet I still hang on with all my might. The ways I manage, the things I can’t control - the hold takes over and I am afraid to let go. Afraid of who I am without the clouds and all the dark - “you are bright” the voice says, also understanding I need to understand how it leaves its mark.

To understand and to know all to teach, heal and grow. The darkness is on me, the darkness is not me. From the distance I see - the birds and the trees. The sun rises again and all feels calm and cool - the voice guiding me is inside, it is not coming from you. Looking less externally for peace, questioning everything I have known to be true.

My body is my friend, not my enemy. “With more love is how you will set yourself free” Freedom from the dark, learning to love it when it comes - without the dark I would not know the light - I need both to grow.